Oddities
by Lunar Popsicle
Summary: Just my little collection of short stories that'd be annoying to post one at a time, so they're all seperated into chapters. First one: The Good Part. Next: Masters of Crime.
1. The Good Part

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**Disclaimer:** I don't Xenosaga and Xenosaga don't own me. At least... I hope Xenosaga doesn't end up owning me for some weird reason. 

**A.N.** The idea came to me when I was mad at one of my friends and I wished she would switch personalities with a certain somebody (cough) Albedo (cough) and then we could go and terrorize people together. But...yeah. (It didn't happen in case you're wondering.)

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Jr. yawned and stretched. Then looked around in puzzlement. 

"Huh? This ain't my room...I must've had a little too much at that costume party..."

He shook his head.

"I could've sworn Albedo was there though. Oh well. Gaignun said it was just some random weirdo in a costume."

He slumped out of bed and walked to the bathroom. He picked up his pink glittery hairbrush and started brushing his beautiful pink hair. Then he got his purple sparkle toothbrush and started brushing his teeth. He finished brushing his teeth and looked in the mirror...and screamed.

"WHAT? I look like MOMO?!"

He slapped himself.

"I knew I shouldn'tve fallen asleep during a costume party."

He sighed and started trying to pull his hair off, but it stuck, much to his dismay.

"OW! What'd they do? Super-glue it or somethin'? Oh man...This is embarrassing."

He sighed again and radioed Gaignun. A surprised Gaignun popped up on the viewscreen.

"Gaignun? Why're you so surprised? It's just me."

"Yes, I see it's you MOMO. Ahem. What do you need?"

Gaignun had gone back to his old calm and collected self, all traces of surprise gone.

"Ha ha ha, real funny. Come on you know it's me. You've played you're little prank and now this wig won't come off."

"MOMO? Are you feeling okay?"

"It's me! Jr.! AUGH! Why won't you listen to me?"

"MOMO, I have someone very important on the other line and I really don't need someone radioing me for no reason. Mary'll come in a minute okay?"

"But Gaignun! Wait!"

BZZT! The viewscreen dissappeared.

"Fine, let them have their laughs, I'll get 'em back twice as bad." Jr. mumbled as he sat on the bed and waited for Mary.

Meanwhile...

"Mary, I need you to check up on MOMO, I think she might be sick. She's acting strangely." asked Gaignun."I would but there's another person on the line."

"Okay, I'll check on 'er right after I check on Little Mastah. He still hasn't come out yet."

"Okay, thanks Mary."

Mary had reached Jr.'s room by now, and she opened the door and saw him sitting at his desk.

"Hey Little Mastah! Watcha doin'?"

She looked over his shoulder and saw pink and blue flowers, purple kitties, and hearts drawn all over a piece of paper. A big heart in the middle had MOMO and Jr. in it.

"Ah! Mary! I umm...I was just umm...nothing."

Jr. hid the paper under the desk.

"You know you should knock before you just barge right in. I mean, especially since you haven't known me for that long."

"What're you talking about Little Mastah? I've known you since...well... a long time."

"And why're you calling me 'Little Master'? I'm MOMO."

"Umm..." 'Maybe MOMO and Jr. are coming down with the same thing. I'd better check up on MOMO. Fast.' Mary thought. "Umm...yeah of course you are. Would you like to come with me to check up on 'Jr.'?"

"Sure! That sounds like fun!" "Jr." skipped towards the door. Then he stopped and turned around. "Oh, and Mary..."

"Yes?"

"Why'd you change my room? I thought this was Jr.'s room."

"Oh, umm...last minute mess up. We must've not been paying attention when we put you in your rooms. Ya'll both fell asleep after someone dressed as Albedo gave you something to drink. You remember how it scared MOMO, uh, I mean you because it was so lifelike?"

"Oh yeah, that thing was scary! Well let's go!"

"Little Mastah" continued skipping out of the door and down the hall to Jr.'s room.

Mary shook her head.

"Somethin' weird is goin' on..." She then followed "Jr." down the hall.

A knock sounded on the door.

"That must be Mary!" Jr. ran to the door and flung it open. "Thank God you're here Mary! Nobody'll even try to help me get this wig off and..."

He then stopped in shock. What appeared to be himself was wearing the same shocked expression.

"WHAAAT?! Who're you?" They both shouted at once.

Mary just stared blankly. "Umm..._what_ is going on?"

"YOU IMPOSTER! WHAT?! IMPOSTER?! ME?!"

"STOP!" Mary shouted.

Jr. and MOMO blinked.

"Okay...you two wait right here, I'm going to get Master Gaignun. No fighting." She looked at them sternly and then ran down the hall to Gaignun's office.

"What the heck happened?"Jr. asked.

"I...I don't know." Said MOMO.

They stood in silence for a while. Then they heard footsteps coming down the hall.

"Great, now Gaignun gets to laugh in my face..." Jr. muttered.

Mary and Gaignun ran up. "Mary told me everything that happened. It seems you've switched personalities. There's a simple solution to this problem and it's—"

chaos woke up.

"Hmm...what a interesting dream. I wish I wouldn'tve woken up until it was finished though. It's a pity dreams always seem to end just when you get to the good part. Oh well."

chaos got up out of bed and walked to the bathroom. He washed his hands and then ran them through his hair. He then looked up.

"Oh, the mirror's fogged. I guess I better wipe it off."

He started wiping the fog away from the mirror. As some of it came off, he looked closer.

"Hmm? What's that brown fuzzy stuff on the mirror?" chaos scrubbed at it but it wouldn't come off, it didn't even smear. He sighed. "Oh well, I'll have to get something better to clean it with later."

chaos continued clearing the fog, and then stared shocked at the reflection in the mirror. "WHAT?! I'm Allen?! Oh man...why'd that dream have to end so soon?!"

**A.N.** Haha, such fun bashing chaos. XD R&R please!


	2. Masters of Crime

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Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga. I don't own the random security guard, or candy stores either. And I don't own Albedo, much to my dismay. 

A.N. Kinda weird, but hey, what isn't weird at one point?

* * *

"Hello! Would you like to-" 

SLAM!

"Hi! There's a lovely-"

SLAM

"Just buy this stupid-"

SLAM!

Albedo sighed, "It's tough being a salesman."

Virgil smacked him upside the head. "We wouldn't even BE here if you would've just listened to _me_! But nooooo, the wise, clever Albedo just KNEW his plan would work better!"

"Oww...Why'd you do that?"

Virgil slapped himself.

"AUGH! I can't take it anymore!" He stomped off.

"Hey! Wait! Who's gonna help me sell thses? You know Wilhelm's gonna be mad if we don't finish selling all these cookies!"

"Wilhelm can take those damn cookies and shove 'em!"

"Well how are we gonna pay for Proto Merkabah?"

Virgil's eyes lit up.

"I know! We'll raid the Durandal! They've gotta have tons of stuff! It's the perfect plan! What could go wrong?"

"And you wonder why we didn't do your plan... what could go wrong? Just about everything." Muttered Albedo. (When even Albedo thinks it's stupid you gotta stop and wonder...I mean, he's **in-sane** people!)

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"That's what I thought."

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The next day...

"Okay, we have our disarming thingys, the stuff you tie people up with, and umm...a whole buncha smoke bombs." Albedo said as he went over their crime equipment. "What about duck tape? Aren't we gonna need duck tape?"

"Why the hell would we need duck tape? We're masters of crime! Let's go!"

Albedo sighed and gathered up the equipment. Then laughed quietly to himself. He had a plan, he was gonna ditch Virgil and run off to the nearest candy store as soon as possible. Albedo is much smarter than everyone thinks.

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On the Durandal...

"Shh! We're gonna get caught and then...the unthinkable happens." Said Jr. as MOMO accidently bumped into something.

Jr. and MOMO were sneaking into Gaignun's quarters to put whip cream in all of his suits. They succeded in putting whip cream in half of his suits before he woke up.

"AHA! Gotcha!"

"AHH! Run MOMO! Run for your life!" screamed Jr. as he struggled out of Gaignun's grasp.

"Jr.! Help me!" MOMO was still wriggling in Gaignun's grasp.

"MOMO!"

Gaignun laughed crazily. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I win! Come here slowly and I won't harm her!"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming."Jr. said in a defeated voice. He grasped his can of whip cream tighter behind his back. He got right up to Gaignun, then Jr. unleashed the can of creamy goodness full into Gaignun's face!

"Come on MOMO!" Jr. grabbed MOMO's hand and they ran out of there as fast as they could, back to their rooms.

Just after they left Mary and Shelley came rushing into Gaignun's room.

"Master Gaignun! Are you alright?"

"Fine...just fine." Gaignun went back to his bed and fell right back asleep with a face full of whip cream.

Mary and Shelley looked at each other, then shrugged.

"That was odd." remarked Shelley.

"Ya got that right." Answered Mary.

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Back to the masters of crime...

"We're lost?!" Albedo shouted.

A security guard looked at him strangely, shrugged, and said meh.

"Yes, we're lost. Thanks to a certain idiot who can't even remember to bring a map!"

"What? You can't even find the stupid map on this ship! There's like thousands of them and you can't even find ONE!"

"Shut up..."

Virgil and Albedo were encountering numerous difficulties in raiding the Durandal. The biggest one was that they were lost.

"I don't need your stupid help Albedo! I'll raid the Durandal all by myself!"

"Of course you will. Keep telling yourself that" Albedo said. He then skipped off from the Residential Area...right into Jr. and MOMO.

"What?! Albedo? How the hell did you get here?"shouted Jr.

"AHH! It's that crazy man! Save me Jr.!" MOMO screamed as she ran in circles.

"This is not good..." mumbled Albedo.

"Security! Security!" The security guard from before looked around the corner, shrugged, and said meh.

"Fine! You win this one Albedo, because my security is pathetic and they won't do anything if it requires moving, but know this, It'll be all me next time, all me!"

"Of course it will!" Albedo patted Jr. on the head and then continued skipping towards the Dock, to the wonderous candy store.

"He just DID NOT pat me on the head!"

"It seems he did." Said MOMO.

"Shuddap."

MOMO started sniffling. "You're so mean, for no reason. Albedo was right, you're an evil monster and I hate you!"

MOMO ran off crying.

"WHAAAAAT?! I just saved you from Gaignun! Hmmph, stupid MOMO, she doesn't know anything, especially if she's listening to Albedo.... which reminds me."

Jr. ran off after Albedo with a can of whip cream with deadly recklessness.

The security guard turned around in time to see it.

"OMG! Code Red! Code Red! Unknown intruder with a can of whip cream! Code Red!"

Jr. turned around. "It's me you idiot!"

"Code Purple! Intruder just called me an idiot! This could get violent, requesting backup! I repeat, Code Purple!"

"ARGH! Stupid security guards!"

Jr. continued running after Albedo with his can of deadly whip cream.

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Back to Gaignun...

"Master Gaignun! Master Gaignun! Wake up! There's an unknown intruder on the ship! A security guard just radioed it in!"

"Huh? What? Oh...yeah." Gaignun rolled back over and went back to sleep, snoring loudly.

"Oooh, now what?" said Mary. She stepped out into the hall and sighed. "Sometimes, I dunno why I keep him...... Hmm? What was that?"

She listened down the hall. "Sounds like someone screaming bloody murder..."

She was trampled as Albedo rounded the corner with Jr. hot on his tail with his evilly deadly whip cream.

"I was just trying to get to the candy store! BLOODY MURDER! AAAHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Albedo as he dashed off to the Dock and jumped onto the Elsa just in time, but then he fell off the side right before it took off.

"I'm gonna die a horribly gruesome death by whip cream!" Albedo wailed as he continued running from Jr. with his terrifyingly evilly deadly whip cream.

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Meanwhile...

Virgil had successfully found a map on the ship, and had then raided several cabins and had a lot of rare and pretty things. When suddenly Albedo ran straight into him and knocked him flying.

"I just can't get rid of this guy..." mumbled Albedo. "It's like he's stalking me or something..." Albedo looked at Virgil with fear. "What if he is?"

Jr. ran up just then so Albedo had no more time to ponder the scary possibilty of Virgil stalking him.

Jr. then slipped on the slipperiness of the slippery floor and fell flat on his face.

Virgil took the chance to run off, with Albedo right behind him.

They managed to escape as everyone ran to make sure Jr. was okay.

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Wilhelm's office...

"I told you it'd work." Whispered Virgil.

"Shut up...It wouldn'tve worked if I hadn't been such a distraction." Muttered Albedo back.

"This is all nice, rare, pretty stuff!" said Wilhelm. "You have no more debt, unless you screw up again. So bow out of my office and thank God I had my waffles this morning."

Albedo and Virgil bowed out of Wilhelm's office, praising waffles all the way. Which quickly turned to cursing waffles after they got outside.

"Stupid Wilhelm, thinks he's so special...looks like he wears make-up...and those damn waffles..." muttered Virgil.

"At least we didn't get brutally killed!" Albedo said. "Or horribly maimed!"

"You've got a point there, I guess. Well, let's go spend our money! Wilhelm didn't even notice all the stuff was fake! Damn cheap tourists."

"WHOOHOO! Candy! It's all mine." Albedo snickered and then burst into full laughter as he strutted towards the candy store.

Virgil sighed.

"Not that stupid mountain of candy plot again..."

Virgil sighed again and walked after Albedo.

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A.N. It got kinda weird at the end...kinda disturbing actually. Virgil stalking Albedo, disturbing in the extreme. It kinda seems Virgil and Albedo switched personalities too. Somewhat. Well yeah, anyway don't forget to R&R!


End file.
